He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
