hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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