.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
