Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
