kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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