took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
