Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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