I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
