Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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