Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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