Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
