I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
