either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
