I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
