hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
