she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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