i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
