addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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