I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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