i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
