then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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