you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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