sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Screwed.edu
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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