Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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