then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
