um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
