That's when you crack a 10am beer
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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