fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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