you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
two words...techno handjob
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
