It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
