i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
