bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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