I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
