I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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