i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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