I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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