life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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