when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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