I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
