i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
