the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
