just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
