I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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