was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
