I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
