so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
