please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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