my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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