Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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