I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
