I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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