Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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