Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
wow bdsm is so cute
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