I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
