So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
