i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
