he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
